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Friday
Jul202012

Too close to the heart

I took off for the wonder of the West Coast at nineteen, determined to get to the Oregon Coast and live the gypsy life I knew I was meant to have. As luck and my tremendous lack of knowledge of automotive maintenance would have it, my car died on Monument Hill, just north of Colorado Springs. I looked around, thought it was pretty there, and spent the next ten years bouncing around the state. I got there in '98, within the year I found myself sitting around a shabby living room with my friends, completely rocked by the live footage of the massacre taking place so very close at Columbine. I had friends that went to school there...just girls of sixteen and seventeen confronted by unbelievable horror. They didn't come out so much anymore, and we drifted apart...

On 9/11 I woke up to a beautiful Denver day and unbearable devastation. The live footage... I can't talk it about now and perhaps never. It sent a horrible and familiar shock through me that still wakes me up screaming and sweating and crying from time to time...

In the early morning hours today, all those memories came down on me again as I watched in horror as victims staggered out of a cineplex. I know my sorrow is nothing compared to the victims', the survivors', the mourners', but it feels like an arrow shot straight through my sense of home and safety and trust. It's just too close to the heart.

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